i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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