PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
