He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
