she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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