Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize
