I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
