literally had 100 drinks last night.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
