i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
