You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
