you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
