I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
