so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
