come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
i now understand why vodka
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
