There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
