Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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