I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
