i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
