btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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