i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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