butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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