i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
