OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
