I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just blew my weed a kiss
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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