It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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