I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
