He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
