I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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