Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
