Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
BRING THE BAGELS
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
