Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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