Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
