i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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