Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
