i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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