im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
