with your own penis?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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