I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
There's always time for handjobs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
