I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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