hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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