Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
