It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
