You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
