someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
