I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
