i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
