i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Randomize
