I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
