She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
