I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
