I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
