I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Hippo gnu deer
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
