she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
