Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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