I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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