Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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