i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
