when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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