I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
