Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
